You can read this article here.
The opening paragraph discusses how the author's son's preschool doesn't force children to share. She describes a beautiful scene of children playing peacefully beside each other, politely asking for a toy and then patiently waiting until the other child using it is done. They can even save the toy for later, like if it's snack time then the child gets to go back to the toy he was playing with first. She ends the introduction by saying at first she was confused by the rule but now she knows exactly why they have it.
She tells 2 stories that make you horrified to be called "mom." Two women use the word "share" as code for "give my child exactly what he wants right now!" It's emotional and angering and a whole group of Facebook moms vowed to never make their children share ever again. Our children deserve to keep what is theirs to begin with! They need to stand up for themselves! We need to teach them to never let anyone walk all over them! (These are all true, by the way. But don't go lighting your torches and burning down Sharing's door just yet).
While I'm sure teaching children patience had something to do with the preschool's rule, I highly doubt that was the main motivation. I want to throw in my own theory and I could be wrong, but my guess is they had other motives. Anyone who has a 4 year knows that accidents happen. I mean the I-was-too-busy-having-fun-so-I-didn't-make-it-to-the-bathroom kinds of accidents. A way to encourage small children to empty their equally small bladders in time is to promise (and follow through) that they will get to pick up their fun where they left off. Just please go to the bathroom so we don't have to clean up another mess.
That being said, it sounds like a good policy and is working well for them. Children learn patience and the volunteers don't have accidents to clean up. That's great. But I want to share my own park experience.
My daughter is 8 months old and pretty much the only thing in the park she can really enjoy is the swings. There are only 2 baby swings and the last time we went to the park it was crowded! You'd think it'd been -12 degrees out for 3 months or something. Oh wait... Anyway, when we got there the baby swings were free so I put her in there and pushed her and pushed her and pushed her. Then another mom came and put her kid in and pushed him for a while. Then another kid came and quietly stood by the swings. After a few minutes, the other mom took her son out and the other kid got in. Her son had been in it for a decent amount of time. No words were spoken by either child or mom. Then I noticed a dad holding his little girl in his lap swinging on a regular swing. So I took Eliza out and he put his daughter in. Again, no words were spoken. We braved the slides until the swings were free again and she swung and swung until nap time.
That, my friends, is sharing.
Even though no words were spoken, I hope the children involved learned from their parents who observed other's wants and needs and accommodated accordingly simply out of the goodness of their hearts. I could have justified letting Eliza stay in the swing the entire time. She's just a baby, that's the only thing in the park she can actually do while the other kids could walk and weren't terrified of the slide. She was there first. She has an ear infection right now so I want to do whatever makes and keeps her happy. I'm sure each other parent could list why their child deserved the swing for the whole time. But you know what? It didn't matter. It made me happy to see other kids enjoying the swings as much as Eliza. I hope as she grows she will feel that same happiness that comes with kindness and empathy.
Very insightful.
ReplyDeleteI very much agreed with the other article about how sharing is sometimes more "give that to me now!" than it is actually sharing, but I think what you've described is taking turns, which is still a wonderful skill to teach our children. I help Charlie to know that he will get another turn with the toy or swing or whatever after he lets this other child have a turn. When we're at home to better keep things flowing with small children we set a timer. Everyone gets the same amount of time. We take turns. We also learn sharing at home, but in a different way. I think sharing is doing it together. Two kids want to sit in the chair, share! They sit in it together. Two kids want to play with the push toy, share! They play with it together. That way sharing isn't ever "give it to me" and taking turns always means everyone gets a chance.
ReplyDeleteYou described my feelings exactly! I read the article too and agreed with some things and was bugged by others. I think it's very important to teach our kids to look around at others and their wants and needs and serve them and help others enjoy life. Thanks for your thoughts!
ReplyDelete